How to Throw a Family Reunion

I come from a very large family and when we all get together for a family reunion, things have to be planned out or our special day can quickly become a sinking ship. Over the years I can certainly remember attending a few family reunions that didn’t live up to how excited I was to see everyone: you know the ones, where family heirloom recipes aren’t as tasty as you remember, everyone seems to be bickering, the kids run riot (that was me at the time), and the adults don’t know what to do with themselves, so by the time everyone leaves, you sort of feel like, what just happened here? 

Luckily for me, a few years back I attended a friend’s family reunion and I was so impressed with its success it got me thinking about ways to improve my own. My friend’s family gathering kind of reminded me of my childhood birthday parties my mom used to throw. First we’d play games, then we’d eat snacks, next we’d hit the piñata, afterwards we’d eat cake, and lastly gifts were opened. And we all know that when dealing with little kids, you’ve got to run a party like a tight ship because otherwise those sea of kids will absolutely swamp you. That is when I realized the real secret to throwing a great family reunion—it’s no different than throwing a party for a bunch of little kids. Yes, you should smile with that revelation! You know the old saying, “People grow old but they never grow up.” So there is a lot of truth in that once you get a bunch of family members together, we just somehow all become kids again. And that’s not a bad thing. It’s actually quite nice to feel that childhood comradery and to reminisce about the past. To help ensure a great family reunion you’ve got to plan everything out to the umpteenth degree—just like you would for a kid’s birthday party. And once you do that, wow, your parties will suddenly take off and become much more pleasurable and memorable for the host and for your guests.

I know that party planning sounds like a logical step, but let’s be clear, I am not talking about just everyday planning—I am talking about super-duper-over-the-top planning like you’re managing a small city. The kind of planning where schedules are sent to guests even before they even show up. And without question, to pull this off you’ll need a supportive crew that doesn’t mind rolling their sleeves up. There are a million things to talk about but here are just a few basic steps to throw a great family reunion:

Step One: Every party needs a theme. While “family reunion” kind of is one in and of itself, you need to go beyond that. I look for things the family is interested in, such as something from our childhood. My family likes crab feasts or clam bakes. And of course the food served needs to match the theme.

Step Two: You need to make a schedule and you share it with everyone well in advance. Schedules help everyone get prepared and have things to look forward to. They can also make sure they bring the right supplies, such as bathing suits, a change of clothing, their favorite cowboy hat, etc. For our parties we always have a welcoming speech and throughout the event have other announcements, such as family updates. We keep it light-hearted and fun.

Step Three: You need to include fun things to do for all ages, for example a good game of family trivia that the whole family can participate in. One year we passed around slips of paper for people to write out their best family trivia question, which we then added to our list of questions that the crew had solicited from family weeks before. And you have to have a rule; it’s great to be silly but no disparaging people! 

Step Four: You’ve got to plan out the food and tell people specifically what to make and maybe even provide family heirloom recipes if they are willing. Don’t leave this up to chance. I like to ask people to make the dish they are most famous for. Ask them what’s needed to keep it warm, or if any extra preparation is required. Also, someone has to make the dish the family is known for. For us, it’s my grandmother’s crab cakes, which I usually volunteer to make. And even though I like to deviate from her original recipe, on these occasions I follow her recipe to a T. 

Step Five: Labels. Bring a bunch of sharpies so that people can write their name on soda cans, plastic cups and plates. Paper labels to tie around wine glasses also work. This avoids discarded half-drunken drinks.

Step Six: Ask people to sign a guestbook to share their favorite family memory and require an illustration. If you have a really large family, instead of one book, pass around good quality paper and pens and bind it up later.

Step Seven: Provide an email address and ask everyone to share photos from the party. There are lots of Internet services out there that can help you collect photos to share with others. Also, collect everyone’s email address too. When you think you have all the photos, share them with everyone. And absolutely don’t forget to take a few group photos. 

Step Eight: You’ve got to have dancing and singing of some kind. And without question, you’ve got to sing the old tunes as well as the news ones. This is an opportunity for every one of all ages to teach each other what was/is popular from their generation. It’s so much fun to watch my parents teach everyone to jitter-bug and by the same token watch the young kids teach the older folks how to do the Bernie. 

Step Nine: Create a take away gift for everyone. It does not have to be expensive. For our crab feasts, we ask people to take home the wooden hammers and we give them a package of crab seasoning. If you feel so inclined, get items customized so that when they use it at home, they’ll be reminded of the wonderful memories. 

Step Ten: Maybe the most important. I have three words for you: Port-o-potty. Many people don’t think about this until it is too late. Nothing like 70 people traipsing through your house to the same toilet. Yep, you get the idea. Port-o-pottys have come a long way in design and some even have fancy powder rooms and changing tables.  

Just remember above all, the most important thing about getting together with family is just that…getting together with family. Things don’t have to be perfect, just have a good time.